Well, I haven't been on here much, OBVIOUSLY. A lot has happened since my last post and I just wasn't sure if I was ready to talk about it. First of all, I received an email from Awkward Family Photos. They said that they were told that they would have over 200 pages for their book but were told recently that it was actually a little over 100. That being said, they told me that my picture will not be in this particular book, but that if they are allowed to do a second one, then they would love to use my picture in that one. So, boo hiss about that, but cross your fingers!!
Next up, as many of you know, my dad ended up dying. The day that he was intubated would be the last day he would be fully conscious. He had a lot of scarring on his lungs from all that they had been through, fungus, infections, pneumonia, etc... The doctors told us that barring some miracle the scarring would only get worse and couldn't be reversed. He couldn't have a lung transplant because he was in such poor health anyway. By the next week, things got pretty bad. He received a blessing that said the Lord would work a miracle for him if that's what he wanted, but that the decision would be up to him. We prayed that he would have the strength and desire to stay with us, and he was fighting up until the end.
The last day of his life, my mom and three brothers were by his side. His heart rate was pretty fast, his blood pressure was very low, his oxygen was turned up all the way and he was unable to take all the oxygen in that he needed. Things were pretty bleak. He was given another blessing that released his spirit and told him that he was forgiven of his sins. It was then decided to take him off of the ventilator. Even at that point he was fighting. He was still trying to breathe, they turned up his narcotics. He passed peacefully with my mom by his side, holding his hand, rubbing his forehead and talking to him.
I know he is gone, but it's still so hard for me to actually believe it. I try not to think about it at all. I avoid it all the time. I have hardly cried simply because I push it out of my mind the moment it comes.
My dad was a good man. He was strong in the gospel. He loved the Lord and his family. His didn't always know how to show us how much he loved us, but he showed us by working hard to take care of us and teaching us well so that we could grow up to be good upstanding people.
I do have many fond memories of him. Walking halfway to his bus stop to meet him and walk the rest of the way home with him. On Sundays, after his nap, he would come downstairs and play "tickle monster" with all of us. I remember in the summers cuddling up next to him, laying my head on his chest while he watched TV. I didn't even watch the TV most of the time, it was just nice to be close to him. When I turned 8 and was baptized, my dad gave me a Book of Mormon with his testimony written inside. I hardly have used it because I want to keep it always. One Christmas when we got new scriptures, he, in his robe, put on a Santa hat and went around handing out scriptures calling himself "Holy Claus." I remember when I knocked my teeth out he was the first to show up and he was so worried and caring. When I had to have surgery on my teeth he took the day off of work and stayed with me during it. Then when we were waiting for my mom to pick us up, he sat and read one of my American Girl books to me for an hour until she showed up. When I got a solo in elementary school for our Christmas program, he was the first one to ask me to sing my part for him. When I got married in the temple he told me he was proud of me. When I came to visit right after I had Duncan, he was so excited to hold him. He walked in from work and said, "Let me hold that baby!" He held him so lovingly, it made me realize why he had all eight of us. His face said it all.
I love my dad so much. I wish I didn't have to wait all this time to see him again. It's true that you don't realize how much you love someone until they're gone. I look forward to seeing him again.
On a much lighter note, during this difficult time I had lovely nausea. Nausea from a pregnancy! That's right, #5 is on its way! My dad got to know that one before anyone, since he probably has already met the child. I am 15 weeks along. It has been a rough first trimester. I have been so sick and exhausted. I got the stomach flu, a couple colds, a UTI and they couldn't get a heartbeat when I went to the doctor. Luckily, we were able to have an ultrasound and see the little baby, who looks quite human and healthy. I have been a cry baby about all of this. After the whole scare with Rosaline, I break into tears at the first sign of something being wrong. I am due in October. I am very excited about this baby. I am so happy that I have the gift, blessing and joy to have another child. Mark has been wonderful through all of this. He works so hard, but has been so kind and understanding to me and sympathetic. It has made this go much more easily. I love him so much.
There you have it. I bit of an update. Hopefully this will restart my blogging desire, especially once this nausea goes away and I am not associating computers with nausea and vomiting.
Cheesy Spinach Pesto on Spaghetti
5 years ago