Apr 27, 2014

Birth Story of Briony Cosette

This pregnancy was probably the most rough I had had throughout my pregnancy baby caring career.  About two weeks after finding out the shocking news that we were having a girl(I was absolutely sure this baby was a boy), I was doing some full on Jazzercise and tore the cartilage in my pubic bone...again(I did this when I was pregnant with Gwenie too).  I was put on needed in attempt to heal this injury and was not allowed to Jazzercise for 6 weeks(i had to keep the baby up and out of my pelvis to help the injury heal).  This just about killed me(no Jazzercise for me, sadly), but it gets better.  About four weeks after that I got shingles!  What the heck, right??  I felt a little like I was being punished, but I managed to have a good attitude.
I was anxious to get back to Jazzercise, but I knew I had to take it slow.  I was sorely going to work my way back into it.  Halloween came and we took the kids trick-or-treating.  I had taken a good pain killer, so I was doing alright.  It was great to get out of the house.  We got the kids to bed and I started feeling crampy.  It suddenly got worse.  This was all too familiar.  I was feeling the kidney stone that had been seen in my ultrasound the week before.  I took a pain killer and put the heating pad on it and just dealt with it.  Four days later while laying in bed trying to sleep at night I started feeling that lovely feeling again.  Sure enough, kidney stone number two from the ultrasound was making its debut.  I still had pain killers from my shingles so I took those and tried to deal with it.  This one was different.  The pain became so intense by morning that I kept throwing up over and over.  I couldn't keep any pain killers down or anti nausea medicine to save my life.
Eventually I became so lethargic that I wasn't really responding to Mark.  He got scared and called an ambulance, so that was awesome.  It turned out that I was severely dehydrated so they kept me for a few hours to fill me with fluids, keep an eye on the baby, and watch me writhe in pain.
That was too much for my body at once to deal with and I have chronic pancreatitis so that flared up really bad.  I was throwing up and in a tremendous amount of pain, luckily I had a good supply of pain killers.  Sadly, because my pancreas was so angry, my body could not digest much at all and I was put on a liquid diet to help my pancreas heal so that I wouldn't become malnourished.
Fast forward to January.  I was back at Jazzercise going full force to get my baby out.  I had too much fluid, my baby was a buoy.  I was only dilated to a 2 1/2 and 60-70% effaced and my cervix was still very thick.  So that was sad.  The baby would go diagonal whenever the doctor would check me, so she never felt her head.  Too much fluid.  My baby had way too much room in there.  I knew she was head down most of the time but my belly was huge and she could easily turn.

My friend and I had joked about what would happen if my water broke.  It would flood Jazzercise and everyone would drown.  In the wee hours of Monday morning, the 20th, Mark and I were still awake.  I had packed my bag and prepared for this baby in hopes that she would come soon, since I was 38 weeks and my last two babies were born at that point.  I was anxious to be done.  I had miscarried four times in a row before this baby, the last being 3 months along, so I had quite a few weeks of pregnancy at this point.  It was time to have this baby.  As I was laying in bed talking to Mark, there was this nice pop and a gush of fluid.
I told Mark and he quickly grabbed hospital pads.  This was definitely the great flood and we probably needed an ark, but all we had were the hospital pads.  These were thick pads, but this water just kept a flowin'.  I just started laughing, it wouldn't stop.  I knew it would be a lot, but I had not anticipated this.  I was wondering how the neck I would get myself to a car and into the hospital with this kind of serious flow.  Everything was becoming real and I started shaking from the adrenaline that started pumping.  Eventually, things allowed enough for me to get to the car for the ride to the hospital.  By slowed I mean that Idrenched an over night pad and my pants.  After such a long struggle and emotionally difficult wait, this baby was going to come.
Suddenly I felt as though this was too good to be true.  I had lost my last four babies, I couldn't possibly be allowed to keep this one.  I started to worry.  I was too far into this pregnancy for this not to be horribly devastating if Heavenly Father decided to keep this one too.  I hadn't had my water break like this at home before.  I was worried my baby wasn't alive.  My belly was so small, I realized just how tiny my baby was.  I couldn't feel her move at all.  I pushed her and poked her to get her to move and she wouldn't.  I started to get really scared.  I was shaking so much.  We arrived at the hospital.
I got changed and into the bed.  They examined me.  I was 3cm and 80% effaced. They couldn't feel the baby's head.  They called my doctor.  They did an ultrasound.  As my water drained out, the baby went from head down to diagonal.  Her head was sitting in my hip.  I started to cry.  I didn't want a c-section.  It scared me.  I knew I wouldn't have family around to help and Mark couldn't take too much time off from work.  I certainly knew I didn't want my abdomen cut open.  The nurses told me there was a possibility of the baby being turned since she was only diagonal.  They ordered a second ultrasound.
This ultrasound confirmed that the baby was indeed diagonal.  They called the doctor to tell her.  The nurses told me I would be having a c-section.  I didn't think it would be right away.  I was scared but I felt I would have a chance to process this.  They brought papers for me to sign.  I didn't sign them.  It started becoming real.  I started crying.  My doctor came in and explained things to me.  They would do a transverse incision, but transverse babies don't always come out easily that way.  She explained that one they got in there they might end up having to do a vertical incision as well.  This would mean no more vaginal deliveries for me.  I just listened but was completely freaking out on the inside.  My doctor left and I started panicking.  I felt like I couldn't breathe.  I started squirming and couldn't relax. I was ready to make a run for it.  My heart was racing.  I couldn't breathe!  This wasn't happening.  They couldn't make me have a c-section.  My nurse cried with me.  She told me the OR was ready for me. I needed to sign the papers.  I couldn't breathe.  I felt like I was suffocating.  This was happening too fast.  The papers needed to be signed but I couldn't do it.  Mark signed them for me.
I was wheeled to the OR.  In order to keep myself from losing it and making a run for it I had to stop talking completely.  The doctors and nurses would talk and make jokes and I could only nod.  The anesthesiologist did the spinal.  They knew I was having anxiety issues.  They told me they couldn't give me anything for it until right before the baby came out because it wasn't good for the baby.  I figured I was this far into it, there was no point.  The spinal made me feel light-headed.  My chest felt really heavy.  I kept forgetting to breathe.  The anesthesiologist made conversation with me.  He explained everything as it was happening.  The nurses told me I was beautiful and that my hair looked like Merida's from Brave. They open me up, "Well look at that! She's head down now!"  They didn't have to do another incision.  They got the baby out.  She screamed.  She was alive and screaming louder than any of my other babies.  I couldn't believe it.  They showed her to me then took her back to check her out.  Mark asked if I wanted him to stay with me.  I told him to be with our baby.  We finally had a baby I wanted him to be with her as much as possible.
She was screaming and screaming.  Nurses came in and renamed on the loud screaming they could hear from her throughout the floor.  I was a little concerned she would be an inconsolable baby, haha.  I was taken back to labor and delivery.  It all seemed like a dream.  I couldn't believe I was cut open.  I couldn't believe that I actually had my baby.  Finally, I had a baby to hold and care for.
Mark and the nurses came in with my baby, who was screaming.  She was beautiful and here.  I could see her, I could touch her.  I could hear her breathing and smell her new baby smell.  Nothing else mattered.  She was perfect.
I was put on blood thinners because of my clotting disorder.  I had to stay in the hospital for four days.  I only had three visitors, so it was pretty lonely most of the time.  C-sections are horrible, painful and evil and no one tells you this.  I'm here to tell you they are the worst.  It's an annoying, painful, and long recovery.  I was happy to spend it with my baby, but I certainly started to get stir crazy.  I am happily back to normal life.  I am going to Jazzercise 6-7 times a week and I love and air sweet Briony.  She weighed 6 lbs. 7 oz. and was 19 inches long.

Aug 6, 2013

This feels funny...

I'm pretty sure almost no one reads blogs anymore, but I thought I would give this a wee bit of a go.  I posted back in October of last year that I was addicted to jazzercise.  Well, nothing has changed in that regard.  However, a lot has changed with me since then.  I started off losing only 9lbs. and it just seemed to stay that way for some time.  Then after Christmas I went down to 19 then 25 and now I am down a total of 34lbs.  Everyone else seems to notice the physical changes more than I do.  I have been told that my arms are a lot thinner, that my legs are getting skinny, that my face has thinned out a lot(that is something I've noticed), that my waist has gotten a lot smaller and I even had someone call me "the incredible shrinking woman."  That last one is funny to me.  There are so many pairs of pants that I haven't been able to wear for years, due to how tight they were, that now are a little loose.  It's a really good feeling.  I don't think I've come that far until I look at pants I used to wear that I couldn't even button last year and now they are big on me.  I am amazed at how much muscle I've built up.  My legs used to be so squishy and now they are hard and full of muscle.  I never thought I would see that one coming, haha.
 Being able to exercise regularly with friends has brought so much joy and happiness into my life.  It has helped me get through some really difficult times.  I don't know where I would be had I not been given this opportunity.
I am now a class manager for Jazzercise here in Spanish Fork.  I love having a sense of belonging and being a part of something I really love and enjoy.  I have had some opportunities to teach some jazzercise at the church.  I had so much fun.  I am positive I want to become an instructor.  I'm thinking in the next year or so.
Perhaps I will update you with more things that have happened in the past year.  You'll just have to wait and see!

Oct 9, 2012

I Have an Addiction...

To what?  JAZZERCISE!!  That's right. I am addicted to it.  I love it and kind of can't live without it.  A good friend of mine and former Visiting Teacher teaches the class.  She is working on becoming a certified instructor of the "Jazz"(say that in a French accent, it's more fun).  She has been kind enough to teach us at the church for free until she has a place to teach.  It is a killer workout(I sound so sporty, don't I?) and you sweat a ton!  It's works pretty much every muscle I have, even ones I didn't know I had.  We don't Jazzercise to any 80s songs(yet, I will have to discuss doing "Physical" by Olivia Newton John with Allison soon), it's mostly today's "hottest hits," and it is so much fun.

I have gone when I have been tired and cold.  I have gone with a stomach bug and other illnesses.  I can't seem to keep myself from doing it.  I go every time Allison has it.  It makes me happy and I have lost 9lbs. just by doing it.  I stand up straighter with good posture and I have gained so much muscle.  The best part about all of this is that BFF Janelle is just as obsessed as I am!!  She is really good at it too.  I have no coordination, so I have had to work very hard to get the routines down.  But Janelle just picks it up so naturally, I'm kind of jealous.

I have decided that once Allison is certified and has a place to teach that I will continue to take classes.  I don't know if I could function without it, haha.  Maybe, just maybe, if I get really good, one day I will teach.  It actually sounds like an achievable goal.  However, I will have to fake peppy, that obviously isn't me, haha. As I come to the close of this blog post confession, I would like to leave you with this little gem that my good friend Logan found for me:

May 9, 2012

I Feel So Domesticated

I have made all of these myself!!  Want the recipes?  Check out my recipe blog: Look Mommy! I Can Cook!

May 7, 2012

Playing Too Hard

I love this little boy!!:

I Am Thankful

I recently went through my third miscarriage in a row.  While I have many factors that could cause a miscarriage(Factor V Leiden, Rh Negative, Hypothyroidism), the Dr. hasn't been able to pinpoint exactly what caused the miscarriage.  I am still waiting on some test results.
The day after I started to miscarry BFFs, Kari and Janelle showed up at my house with flowers and pizza to cheer me up.  Then we just hung out and they lifted my spirits(in so many ways! ;) ).
Because I am Rh Negative I had to get a Rhogam shot.  I was still bleeding, so they wanted me to get it the same day they drew my blood.  The lab was going to be closed by the time my shot would be ready so they wanted me to go to Labor and Delivery to get it.  Yeah, I know, cruel.  I called BFF Kari to come and take me(we tried BFF Janelle, but she was unavailable at the time).  I was doing okay.  I went to the front desk and explained that I was there for my shot.  The nurse was a little confused so I explained that I was told to go there since the lab was closed and that they said I needed to get the shot right away.  She started filling out some forms and making calls.  They were trying to figure out where to put me.  Then she asked when my due date was.  I said that I was miscarrying.  I didn't have a due date anymore.  She suddenly changed her demeanor.  She was really nice.  I turned away to try and compose myself, but it didn't work.  I just started crying.  She apologized to me.  She thought she had made it worse.  I assured her she was doing nothing wrong.
Then they decided to put me in a delivery room.  It was so hard.  I had all five babies at this hospital.  The room was all too familiar.  I looked around.  I looked at where the place the baby as soon as it is born.  It was so hard.  I just started crying.  I couldn't handle all of this.  I didn't want to associate this room with a bad memory.  Kari hugged me and we just cried.  I had to wait a total of an hour for my shot.  I wanted to get this whole thing over with so quickly.  Finally I received my shot and was allowed to leave.  Kari bought me some ice cream and I headed home.
Whenever I feel the most sad and depressed about miscarrying, I have the sweetest thing happen:
This little guy shows up and smiles at me and comforts me.  He always seems to know, even when I am not crying.  He just knows how to cheer me up.  If he is my last, I will be happy to cherish every moment of his young life, along with my other kids.  I love all of my children and I am so grateful to have given birth to such wonderful, beautiful, responsible and happy children.
Since I have moved to this house that we currently live in, I have been blessed to have not only wonderful ward members and neighbors, but I have been blessed with wonderful friends.  I never thought I could find such great people that I could have so much fun with and feel so comfortable with.  They have lifted me up at times when I thought it would be impossible.  They give me hugs against my will.  I know I say a lot about these two, but I just feel so blessed everyday to have them in my life.  Thank you Kari and Janelle!!  I love you guys!!
Even though I have faced many difficult trials in my life, the Lord has always been mindful of me and has blessed me in many ways.  I love my family, my friends, my church and my life.  I am thankful.