Feb 28, 2012

Meeting With Mr. Surgeon Man

Dr. John Mitchell seems to be a really great guy.  I asked the nurses in cardiology what they thought of him and they had wonderful things to say.  Mark has a friend who had an aortic valve replacement done by him, he had great things to say.  We looked him up online and he was in the army and has lots of schooling and degrees(I imagine you'd have to if you were going to be a heart surgeon).
Today we met him in person.  He has done so many valve repairs and replacements, I imagine it's almost second nature.  Only 1.5% of the people he's had to replace valves on have died.  These were due to other complications, not having to do with the heart valve itself and they were all much much older than Mark.  Here was my facebook status update:
Update on Mark:  We met with the surgeon.  He is a really nice guy.  He explained everything really well and answered all of our questions.  He explained that most surgeons would not give us the option of having the valve repaired, but he says that in his opinion, he thinks that he can repair the valve.  He said that it would be a huge repair and that it wouldn't be easy, but he was willing to try if we were open to him giving it a try.  If he did the repair, Mark would probably have to have a replacement in the next 10 years or so.  The upside would be that he would not have to be on an anti-coagulant for the rest of his life(not until the replacement in 10 years or so).   He will probably have to have a replacement in 10 years, but he would only be in his 40s which would be better than having to get it replaced in his 60s or 70s.  Anywho, he can do the surgery in the next few days if WE want or we can wait until the 18th or soon after.  Mark is all about have it now, but I would like to prepare a bit.  I just want to get caught up on my life since I have the option before all goes crazy again.  Most likely the surgery will be the third week of March.
--Basically, there is a lot of healthy tissue and valve, too much even(which is part of the problem) he really thinks he can repair it.  Here's to the next step!!  We will pick a date in the next day or two and let you all know!!  Thanks again for all of your prayers, love, fasting, thoughts and food on our behalf.  We love you all and wouldn't be able to do all this without you and our Heavenly Father.

Feb 27, 2012

Anxious Anxiety

Normally, I am not one to stress or freak out.  Even when the nurses thought Mark was having a heart attack, I kept telling him it was probably just gas.  "Are you sure it's not gas? It could be gas.  Have you thought about it possibly being gas?"  Then when he started getting really nauseated and pale after his angiogram, "You're probably just dehydrated."  Violently vomiting in the background, "Yeah, I think you're dehydrated."  I tend to think most things aren't as big as what people make them out to be and down play them a lot.  When Liam was born and was constantly vomiting most of what he would eat, Mark was convinced it wasn't normal and said it should get checked out.  I didn't agree, so Mark took him in himself.  After the doctor's visit I was convinced.  I should probably worry more than I do, but that's why I have Mark, right?
It's not that I think Mark is going to die.  I realize that is a serious and real possibility, but this is the one of the first times that I feel genuine worry.  I don't like people trying to tell me how I should feel, so when I tell them what's going on, many of them down play it.  I will have someone say, "Yeah, my grandpa had a valve replacement.  It's not that big of a deal.  He ended up being just fine."
I say, "Well, there is a chance of death.  They stop the heart to work on it."
"I think you're worrying too much."
Here's what goes on in my head, "I am worrying too much?  They are opening up my husband's chest and stopping his heart.  I do believe I can worry a bit.  If it was your spouse instead of your grandpa or really old dad, would you not worry?  Would you not consider the chance that your young children might not have a father if something went wrong? "  I may sound mean and I know they are trying to keep me from worrying, but I am going to worry.  Until he is completely healed I will have some sort of worry.  He is my husband, the father of my 5 young kids and I love him.  If a really old man has this surgery and he dies, we would say that it was too bad. At least he lived a long life.  It would be slightly(sense some sarcasm?) more tragic for my husband to die at his young age and for me to be a widow at the age of 28 with 5 children aged 7 and under.
This surgery is a big deal, it's a big deal with an old man, it's a big deal with a young man.  It's open-heart surgery, it's a big deal.
My eye keeps twitching because I am not getting enough sleep.  I am stressing about my life, in general.  I am stressing about the kids, how will they handle this, how will they handle not being with their parents for long periods of time.  I worry about the financial aspect of the whole thing.  While Mark is out of work we will be getting about $1200 less a month.  I will be driving the car a lot more, how will I pay for gas?  I don't have my family here, I don't want to go through it without my family's support.  I never see my husband anyway, I am going to miss him while he is in the hospital.  Why couldn't I have finished my book long ago so that maybe I could have a little extra money right now?  Should I start taking jewelry orders to make some extra money?  I don't have time for that.  How am I going to have time, for anything?  I've never taken a Xanax, but it's sounding pretty nice right now.
I know I will have help.  I know I have a wonderful ward with amazing people who care so much.  I know it will all be okay, but I still stress I still worry.  I wish this was something I could have prepared for.  How do you prepare for a life-changing event like this?  I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders right now.  I have felt it a lot in my life(those who really know me personally understand this), it's just this time the world feels like it gained like 50 pounds.  I know I have been truly blessed in so many ways in my life, I know I need to just rely on my Heavenly Father.  Sometimes that's hard to do.  I don't want to feel like I've been punished for something, but I feel that way at times.  I want to ask why.  I know I am no one special.  I know that everyone has their trials and we are all equipped individually to face the particular trials that the Lord feels we can handle.  I just wonder why he thinks I'm so dang strong.  Some people totally freak out about their car needing to be fixed and I think, "Wow, I just had two miscarriages in a row, was diagnosed with pancreatitis, put in $900 to fix a car and now my husband needs open-heart surgery.  You're stressed?"  I know it's unfair to that person for me to think that way.  If they are crying and freaking out over their car, then they certainly can't handle what I have on my plate and so they will just have the car to deal with right now.  I need to be okay with this.
Speaking of pancreatitis, I had an "attack" or "episode" or whatever you want to call it the other night.  It's not the worst pain I've had with this, but it was pretty awful.  Feels like a flaming hot poker to the gut sometimes.  I kind of wish there was a surgery to fix this problem.
I had someone tell me that I probably had my miscarriages because the Lord knew that Mark was going to have open-heart surgery.  Really?  Who says that?  People who don't think before they speak kind of people.  I don't think people should ever bring up a miscarriage in such a way.  I think I was supposed to have those miscarriages for probably reasons I don't know yet.  I know it was a good way to finally get me to the doctor and get some of my other issues diagnosed and taken care of.  I think if I wasn't supposed to be pregnant when Mark had his surgery, I just wouldn't have gotten pregnant.  I think the Lord has that kind of power.  I know he does.
We are meeting with the surgeon earlier than planned.  We are meeting with him tomorrow at 10am instead of Wed. at 1pm.  I am anxious to get this thing scheduled.  I kind of want to fast forward a few months, I am not ready for all of this.  Are we ever ready for trials?  No.  We can never prepare for these things completely.  We just need to give this to the Lord and trust in him.  I am not going to mope and cry today.  I am going to pull up my big girl panties and face this head on.

Feb 23, 2012

Now, That's a Day I Won't Be Able to Purge From My Memory

These were all from the day before and day of Mark's procedure.  The goal was to find out if Mark's valve could just have a repair or if it would need to be replaced.  To find this out we scheduled a special procedure called a TEE.  This is where they stick an ultrasound probe down your esophagus to get a near perfect look at the mitral valve prolapse.  Instead of typing the story of the day, I thought I would share through my FB status updates and comments from people:
Feeling anxious for Mark's procedure tomorrow (7am has never felt so early!). Hopefully we can find out when his open-heart surgery will be. I will keep you all posted.
I received 34 comments from wonderful people.  It helped me feel so much more ready to face this day. Some favs:
Mary Brown: Jeff and I held a special fast for you and him. I'll continue to pray, too. Please call/message me if there's any way I can help you with ANYTHING.
Andrea Donegan:   Love and prayers headed your way sista! Love you both!.
The start of the day had friends and family with facebook statuses that expressed their concerns, thoughts and prayers on our behalf.
Mark is currently getting his TEE done. Trans-Esophogial something or other. They are giving him an amnesia drug, so he won't remember this. I heard an older couple talking and the wife said her husband had the procedure before, the husband's response: "I did?!" (16 comments of support and love)
Favorite comments:
Rebecca Weger Saying prayers for you guys and your family today.
Cherstin Hamblin Keeping y'all in our thoughts and prayers!
Jami Mortensen Hamblin I'm praying for you guys. And the doctors. :)
After Marks procedure:  Just spoke with Mark's doctor(Mark is totally out cold and drooling a bit). He was being optimistic and was hope that mark would just need a repair, but there is quite significant damage to the entire valve and so it will need to be completely replaced, and pretty soon before damage is done to the heart. :( This means it will not be his first and last open-heart surgery in his life.(31 comments of greatness!)
Favorite comments:
Chanté Harrell Hoehne You are not alone in this. You have a great ward family and we all love you guys and pray for you. And we will rally behind you throughout this :) I second what Jeanette said- what a blessing that the doctors would discover his condition and needs before it was worse. Big, big hugs your way.
Chanté Harrell Hoehne PS- I love that, even in the middle of such a trial, that you never lose your humor... And that you would mention Mark's drooling. He'll love that when he comes to ;)
Logan Mahan The Mahans love the Smiths. Keep us posted and we will keep you all in our prayers!
Danielle Jolene Smith Chanté, I don't know that he'll quite LOVE the drooling bit, haha.
Andrea DeShazer Donegan I'm so sorry! Hang in there the Lord is so mindful of you and Mark and will bless you both! Love you!
Jeanne Hansen DeShazer We are so grateful they have found this now. We'll get through this. He'll get better. Who knows, maybe once this is all done he'll find he feels better than he's felt in a long time, but didn't realize it wasn't normal to feel like that.
Julie Smith Pulsipher How can Mark not come out ok with a sweet wife and family like you! Call if I can help, love you.
Next update: Well, we got as far as the elevator and Mark started to feel a lot of pressure in his chest and bad pain in his chest. We are back in and waiting for the cardiologist. They've done an EKG and we are just waiting and waiting and waiting. Did I mention we're waiting? Mark has officially asked me what the results were of his TEE 5 times. That's some great amnesia medication!(11 messages of awesomeness)
Favorite comments:
Jennifer Martin James We're keeping you in our thoughts. I can't imagine how scary this must be for you, but he is in good hands. Hopefully you will get your results soon. Waiting is the hardest part. :(
Jon-Michael DeShazer We're praying for not only Mark's well-being, but also for you and your kiddos Danielle. We love you.
Danielle Jolene Smith Thanks guys!! We are still here waiting. They gave Mark a nitrate for his chest pain, no Cialis for Mark!
Chanté Harrell Hoehne Ugh. Poopy. But I really think the worst part of your day has yet to come. For you have not yet partaken of the food I am bringing you for dinner, bwahahahaha!!!!!
Next update:  
Met with the cardiologist. EKG was abnormal(vague much?). He wants to do an Angiogram(risks include: death, heart attack and stroke, to name a few). He talked with the heart surgeon and he wants him to check a few other things as well. We are here in Endoscopy and will be moved to the 5th floor(I don't know what that one has). There is a man who just had a colonoscopy and has serious flatulence(to be expected) he is forcing them out and saying how awesome they are. I look forward to the 5th floor at this point.(23 shows of love)

Favorite comments:
Danielle Jolene Smith Mark says, "Christian, this reminds me of you." In reference to gas man over there. I say it reminds me of most of my brothers.
Jami Mortensen Hamblin I wish I was there - I could come sit with you. :)
Don Poyssick I get off at five... do you want me to come bring you some decent food so you are not stuck eating the hospital or vending machine crap all night?
Cid Hart A worthy entry for the annals of "Funny Things You Hear in the Hospital"
Danielle Jolene Smith Don, that would be a beautiful thing. I weep at the thought. We are now on the 5th floor cardiovascular unit. It's seems so quiet without gasman *sniff sniff* (not that I'm sad, just residual effects from gasman).
Jon-Michael DeShazer Danielle, I love your humor. We need to write a parody of Carole King's "Jazz Man" and call it "Gas Man!"
Christian Noel DeShazer Haha thanks mark! That made my day! I'm glad my gas has had a lasting effect! Prayers Danielle!
Ward Livingston I've had two angiograms and I can tell you two positives. 1) it's a wonderful diagnostic tool--it clearly shows what's going on in the heart. 2) the drugs they give you are GREAT. He'll have a lot of amnesea, but what he does remember will be nice.
Danielle Jolene Smith That last sedation Mark had(this morning) he told me I was pretty. I am hoping to move up to beautiful status after the angio!
Tonya Collins Ward I'm in nursing school doing rotations on the cardiac unit and I observed in the cath lab this morning while one of my patients had an angiogram. It can be really scary to go through a new procedure and there are risks, but I totally agree with Ward. The diagnostic value of that type of test is wonderful. I'm praying for your husband, you and your kids, and his doctors and nurses. Hugs!
Kathy Meyer Hall So glad you have loving support all around you. Lots of prayers and good thoughts from us.
Next update: 
I am missing my kids and have an intense need to hold my little Alybabe right now. :( Long long long day. Did I mention this has been a long day? Looks like we won't be out of here until about 9 or 10pm. Lame!(21 comments of support)
Favorite comments:
Christy Bryant Nielson Call me if I can do anything tonight to help with the kids. We'll be here!
Christian Noel DeShazer Who is watching the kids?
Danielle Jolene Smith Just kidding! Geoff and Jessie.
Update on Mark: Mark just had his angiogram. All went well. All of the tests were clear. So, they will just do the valve replacement(psha! Just the valve replacement? doesn't sound right. be grateful for small miracles). They ended up having to go through the groin to do the procedure. Mark says, "I'm just glad I still have my junk." I am thinking of being grateful for his life, but you can see where his priorities are.(14 comments)
Favorite comments:
Dylan DeShazer I am glad his junk is ok. Lol. Good to here he is doing ok. When will they replace his valve?
Danielle Jolene Smith We meet with the surgeon on Wed. the 29th to schedule that. It will probably be pretty soon. They don't want to wait much longer.
Brandi Wilkinson We all know you were concerned with his "junk" too? ;)
Thomas Copeland Well.... there is something they probably didn't tell you... they probably used a Starclose Clip which stays in the femoral artery; now with that being metal.. he may find TSA paying close attention to his junk from now on.. lol
Cynthia Watkins I love the sense of humor the pair of you have!!!
Jeanne Hansen DeShazer Yeah. He's a guy.
Update on Mark: We are home safe and sound. We got home at about 10pm. Mark is doing well, he has to lay quite flat for most of the day. He is resting(as he has through most of this, haha). Alastair missed us or something and fussed and cried until about 1 am(I had been up since 5:20am), needless to say I am EXHAUSTED. But alas, today I must play catch up from yesterday's absence. Lots of laundry, cleaning and yelling at my kids(KIDDING! well, mostly). Mark was overcome by all the kind words, prayers and thoughts from you all yesterday(I was as well, you all are awesome!). He couldn't believe I knew such nice people(am I really that bad??). It actually brought him to tears. Being the mean person I am, I wished that I had brought my camera to document such a momentous event(and a test tube to find out if these were real tears), but let's just keep that part between us. :) (19 comments and 25 likes)
Favorite comments:
Danielle Jolene Smith PS-We will be meeting with the heart surgeon on the 29th to schedule the big day.
Joe Corless mark,, in tears,,,no way!.. gosh i love that guy!
Nikki Wood Glad everything went well yesterday! The surgery will go good just have faith and y'all be strong! At least take a nap today lol!
Kari 'Hendricks' Bryan I've got work to do this morning, but let me take your kids for a few hrs this afternoon
Danielle Jolene Smith Maybe I will...
Kari 'Hendricks' Bryan Um the correct response is Yes Kari take them away they will be ready for departure at 1:00 and will be returned when dinner arrives at 6:00.
Dylan DeShazer You do realize he can read this right? Glad he is home.
Shirley Lyman So glad that he made it through everything okay. Thanks for keeping us informed on how everything was going.
Sherry Bishop McKellar Just think what a fun blog post you can write now....
Beverly Berge Rockwood glad you are home and we hope for a speedy recovery -- and take it from your old young women's leader -- laundry can wait. just take it easy!
Jacob Clarin Bingham We are SO glad and relieved for mark and you. We love u guys and pray things will continue smoothly
Melissa Oviatt So glad he's home and doing well!!!!

That was one of the most difficult days I have experienced.  I was so overcome by the comments and private messages of support, thoughts, prayers and love.  I was by myself through this, but because of you all and our amazing Father in Heaven, I was able to feel so calm and peaceful and I managed to keep my sense of humor through the entire thing.  I didn't even feel the need to lose it until I went to bed that night, when I just sobbed when I baby wouldn't go to sleep.  I had been so overwhelmed by the emotions of the day in that moment, I just broke.  But I didn't break once while I was at the hospital trying to be there for Mark.  We will have a long road ahead, but we are past these few hurdles.  Thanks again everyone.  You all are my big giant rock of support!! 
PS-Alybabe is walking!!!

Feb 15, 2012

I'm Letting the Cat Out of the Bag

I wasn't going to post about this for a while, but since it is on my mind CONSTANTLY and I keep finding myself retreating to the computer, I figured that I might as well do it.
When Mark was about 19 he was in the Marines in boot camp.  He got strep and I guess it got to his heart.  This caused a heart murmur, aka Mitral Valve Prolapse(MVP) in this case.  That is when the valve on the left chamber doesn't close all the way, so the blood starts to swish back and forth.  This causes the chambers to swell and stretch, eventually leading to heart failure, if left untreated.  It hasn't been all that big of a deal and doctors have told him that he wouldn't need a valve replacement for a really long time.  He would regularly get it checked, it never seemed like that big of a deal.
Towards the end of 2011 Mark started getting weird heart palpitations.   When the new year started Mark went into the doctor for a regular physical.  The doctor wanted some heart tests to be run on Mark to check if everything was okay.  Mark had one test done and that doctor wanted another one done and for another doctor to look at it, he thought the MVP was looking worse than before.  That doctor then ran some tests and decided it was significantly worse than before and it was worsening rapidly.
Mark has been scheduled for another procedure(this is scheduled for next Tues. Feb. 21st) where they stick an ultrasound type of camera down his throat to get a better look at the valve.  This is so that they can determine whether he will have a valve repair or valve replacement.  The doctor told him that he will most certainly be having open heart surgery.
Upon hearing this I was pretty shocked.  I didn't know what to say or think.  My own heart started racing.
To do the surgery Mark's heart will be stopped and a heart and lung bypass machine will do the work.  Then once the surgery is completed the blood flow will be brought back into the heart and an electrical shock will restart the heart.  He will be in ICU under sedation for a few days, then eventually he will be moved out of there and sometime after that he will come home.
We are both realizing that although we are hopeful, he could die.  This is open-heart surgery, after all.  As much as I want to just sit back and relax and say that everything will work out, he and I both realize that we need to prepare for the possibilities.  He worked out a budget for me if I were to receive life insurance and a plan.  We talked about if I would get remarried.  He is having a will written up.  I know that after the experiences of my mom, my sister in law and so many others that these things happen and it's better to be prepared for the worst but to hope and pray for the best.  Mark also met with our bishop to let him know what was going on and to let him know that we may need some assistance from the church while he isn't working.
I am not going to say he is going to die.  I don't know what will happen, but I imagine that now matter the outcome the Lord will take care of us.  I am honestly really scared.  I feel at peace for the most part, but there is also this constant fear of the unknown.  I never want to lose my husband.  I will just miss him while he is in the hospital.  I can't imagine him really being gone.  I would just like to ask all of you who read this to please pray for him and for our family.  These things are a big deal and we could really use all the extra prayer and fasting that any of you could offer.  Thank you.
PS-Because my husband is morbid, he would like me to document this whole thing with pictures.  So, whatever I can photograph, that's what he wants me to do.  Don't worry, you will get to be on this journey with us through blog!  Exciting, right?!!

Feb 10, 2012


More commonly known as the webby thingy between your gums and lip.  I bet most of you have never heard this word.  I hadn't either until the second week of December.  It was a cold chilly December afternoon and I was going through my first miscarriage.  We had all been sick with the stomach flu from H*** and were trying to recover.  I was busily trying to plow through many backed up jewelry orders that I had put off due to said stomach flu.  I was in the living room and the kids were in the family room where the wee lad Alastair was crawling around happily messing with stuff.  All of the sudden the wee lad starts crying. I am never one to panic over a cry, it sounded like he got hurt, but I didn't think it was bad.  Duncan brought my babe over to me and he had a good amount of blood oozing from his mouth.  I grabbed him and put a wipe in his mouth to get some of the blood so that I could see what was up.  I had assumed he split his lip little or something like that.  I held tissues and wipes to his mouth until the bleeding stopped.  Then I decided to take a look.  This is what I saw:  

Seriously creepy-looking, right?  Now I kind of panicked.  Not so much that I was worried about my son's well-being, but that I now had to take him to the urgent care or something and that entailed me having to shower, lug all five kids with me or find a babysitter.  I knew this was not life-threatening, but rather a nuisance that I didn't need in a week that was already rougher than most I had experienced in the past.
I called my fabulous friend, Kari, who agreed to take my older four off my hands while I ran off to take care of the wee lad.  Such a relief to not have to take all five.  If any of you have this many children or close to it, you know that a trip like this with no prep is not easy with 5.
I ran off to the Urgent Care by my house.  Now, we didn't have insurance last year(2011).  It was a way to help us save money and pay off our medical bills(I strongly warn against this, all things medically bad will happen).  I get to the urgent care, my baby is in his pjs at 4:30 in the afternoon(this will make them sympathize with me more, right?  Wrong!).  I tell them whats going on.  The lady at the front desk asks for my insurance and tell her I don't have any.  She said, "We would like it if you could pay $75 for this visit. If he need stitches, those alone will cost you about $400." This is when my jaw drops.
I say, "Could you bill me?  I don't have the money for that right now."
"Maybe we can work something out here," she smiles(a little fake-like).  She then gets on the phone with the Dr. who would take a look at the baby.  All I wanted was to have them take a look and tell me if something really needed to be done.  She gets off the phone, "He won't see you unless you pay the $75 today, now."
"Are you sure?  I really don't have that much on me right now, but I will next week.  Could I just pay next week?"  I am a little bit on the verge of tears.  She was being a little heartless and mean in her tone.  Not to mention she did not have the sweetest demeanor once she found out I didn't have insurance.
Then she very coldly said, "No, he cannot see him unless you pay the $75 today. Now."
"Well, I guess I will just go to my regular doctor, if she's still open."
"That's probably a good idea ma'am."  I hate being called "ma'am," especially in a situation like this.  You know it's the only time they say it and it's never in a nice way.
I turned and left.  I just started crying and sped off to get to my doctor before they closed.
By the time I got there is was 5pm and I saw that they changed their hours recently, they were now open until 9pm!  I wouldn't get to see my usual doctor, but I knew most of the ones there, so I didn't care at this point. I arrived there and it was almost like coming home.  I got to see the nice familiar faces I was used to and the polite responses I deserved.  I got to see the doctor right away.  This was when I decided to have my blood tested for my miscarriage, you know, kill two birds with one stone kind of thing.

That, my friends, is a 9mo. onesie on that little dude.  He was 14mos. here.  He weighed in at a whopping 20lbs.  My two other boys were over 25lbs. at this age.
Back to my story.  So the doctor(a very nice woman whom I had never met before) took a look at him.  "Oh, looks like he's torn his frenulum."
"His what?"
"Frenulum, the webbing here," she says pointing at the fighting baby.  "Now, it looks pretty bad and I could suture it here, except, I'm guessing he wouldn't like that too much so he would have to be put under.  That is something I can't do here.  I would suggest you take him to the ER."
"Okay." Great!  Another trip in the car to another waiting room with another bill.
"I won't charge you for this visit.  I will just have them wipe it from the records.  It's not really fair of me to charge you when I can't do anything for you."  Is she really a doctor?  I think I love her!  I give Mark a call from the doctor's phone (since I don't own a cell anymore) and tell him to meet me at the ER.
I get to the ER and tell them about the "frenulum" situation.  They get us in right away.  There was almost no one in the ER.  I say if you are going to have an emergency, have it on a Tuesday.  We wait in the exam room for the doctor.

The doctor comes in and takes a look.   "Well," he says, "I could call the plastic surgeon and tell him to come and suture this frenulum, but he would probably laugh at me and not come.  If he did, which he probably won't, it would cost you a fortune for something that wouldn't be necessary."
"It will probably just heal up on it's own in the next week or two and probably won't even get infected.  Just don't have him eat or drink anything that would cause it to sting or burn, like orange juice."
"Wow.  Really?  Sounds good."  Really I'm kind of ticked because I went to three different places when I could have just stayed home.  This is the last time I play "good mom."
"If it was my choice, I wouldn't even charge you for this visit because I'm not doing anything for you.  But by law I have to.  So, that's the downside to this whole thing.  This upside is you won't have to pay for more than this visit."  Why doesn't rich man doctor just pay for it himself!  Ugh!  Oh well.
We head on home and pick up the kids.  It is now after 7:30pm.
The said "frenulum" did heal just fine and looks pretty normal.  My baby is alive and healthy and I am grateful for that.

Feb 8, 2012

A New Post

*update at the bottom
I wasn't sure what to title this post.  I haven't posted in quite a while.  I have wanted to, but I don't always have the time or patience.  A lot of time has passed and I am sure a lot of things have happened.  I may update the blog for myself, but have the dates be the dates the events actually took place.  I will let you all know if I do that, if you're really interested.
In December Mark and I got a bit of a surprise, I found out that I was pregnant.  We weren't exactly expecting it, but we were so excited.  I felt no worry, even though this meant we would no longer be able to fit our whole family into our van anymore.  I felt so at peace.  I could suddenly eat eggs again as well and dairy products without any pain or sickness as I had been dealing with for the past year.  I decided to tell some close friends and a few family members right away.  I had never miscarried in the past, but I always waited before.  I just decided that this one would be no different.  I was very wrong.  We all came down with the stomach flu.  It was brutal.  Mark had to work that weekend and so I was by myself.  I started bleeding.  I had always bled with my pregnancies, but never so much.  I knew what was happening.  I was having a miscarriage.  I was distraught.  I couldn't believe this was happening, but I knew it to be true.  I always thought I knew how I would feel or how upset I would be if I ever miscarried.  I was wrong.  There was such a huge feeling of loss, even though I had never met this child.  I couldn't cry hard enough.
As I began to get over the stomach flu and Alastair tore his frenulum(webbing between your lip and your gums, more on that another day) I decided to get my blood tested to make sure I was really miscarrying.  As much as I didn't want it to believe it was happening I knew it was and it was confirmed.  I was eventually given the go ahead to start trying again if I wanted.
January came and I hadn't had a period yet.  It had been about 5 1/2 weeks since my miscarriage.  I had a feeling I might be pregnant again, so I took a test.  The test was positive.  I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I was excited anyway.  I didn't really tell anyone this time except for a friend or two.  Another week passed and I was cleaning my bathroom, the deep down super cleaning(shower included).  When I was done I went to take a shower.  I was bleeding again.  I knew I was miscarrying again.  I spent the entirety of my shower sobbing quietly to myself.  I was devastated.  I didn't understand why I felt so strongly that we were supposed to have more children when this was happening again.  I was so worried that this was the end of having children.  I poured my heart out to the Lord and He brought me so much comfort.  I knew that this particular spirit would come, but not at this time.  I needed this trial.  I needed it to help me become the person I need to be to return to Him.
I went back to the Dr. and she decided to test my blood for low progesterone levels(the hormone needed to maintain a pregnancy), my thyroid(I've had some recent rapid weight gain and fatigue) and other things that I wanted her to check out.  She went to consult with my regular Dr. and then came back.  She mentioned that having Factor V Leiden(a clotting disorder) is a cause for miscarriage.  I told her I had that.  Then she asked me if I was Rh Negative(negative blood type), I told her I was.  She told me those are both possible causes for miscarriage.  She also said that I was supposed to get a Rhogam shot(for the Rh) after my first miscarriage and she was betting that was why the second one happened(Rh negative-negative blood types in pregnancy cause the body to make anti-bodies to kill off a positive blood type baby if I don't get a rhogam shot at 28 wk and after having babies).
Today I got my results back from my blood tests.  I have a thyroid problem, my progesterone levels are low and there may be something amiss with my gall bladder(to be tested again tomorrow).  It sounds weird, but I have such a feeling of relief after hearing all this.  My Dr. said that it's actually amazing that I had 5 healthy pregnancies in a row.  I had no idea.  The best thing about all this is that these are all things that can be treated and taken care of!  They said that they will get me all fixed up so that we can start trying again.
I know you all think I am nuts for wanting 6 kids(or more, remember I have an addiction), but I love being a mom.  I am not a perfect mom, I am not super mom and I am far from amazing, but I have 5 healthy happy kids(which are pretty much 5 miracles).
*Update: The issue was not with my gall bladder as the nurse had informed me, but rather with my pancreas.  I have been diagnosed with pancreatitis, awesome fun that is.  They have also prescribed me a medication to treat my thyroid issue.