May 7, 2012

I Am Thankful

I recently went through my third miscarriage in a row.  While I have many factors that could cause a miscarriage(Factor V Leiden, Rh Negative, Hypothyroidism), the Dr. hasn't been able to pinpoint exactly what caused the miscarriage.  I am still waiting on some test results.
The day after I started to miscarry BFFs, Kari and Janelle showed up at my house with flowers and pizza to cheer me up.  Then we just hung out and they lifted my spirits(in so many ways! ;) ).
Because I am Rh Negative I had to get a Rhogam shot.  I was still bleeding, so they wanted me to get it the same day they drew my blood.  The lab was going to be closed by the time my shot would be ready so they wanted me to go to Labor and Delivery to get it.  Yeah, I know, cruel.  I called BFF Kari to come and take me(we tried BFF Janelle, but she was unavailable at the time).  I was doing okay.  I went to the front desk and explained that I was there for my shot.  The nurse was a little confused so I explained that I was told to go there since the lab was closed and that they said I needed to get the shot right away.  She started filling out some forms and making calls.  They were trying to figure out where to put me.  Then she asked when my due date was.  I said that I was miscarrying.  I didn't have a due date anymore.  She suddenly changed her demeanor.  She was really nice.  I turned away to try and compose myself, but it didn't work.  I just started crying.  She apologized to me.  She thought she had made it worse.  I assured her she was doing nothing wrong.
Then they decided to put me in a delivery room.  It was so hard.  I had all five babies at this hospital.  The room was all too familiar.  I looked around.  I looked at where the place the baby as soon as it is born.  It was so hard.  I just started crying.  I couldn't handle all of this.  I didn't want to associate this room with a bad memory.  Kari hugged me and we just cried.  I had to wait a total of an hour for my shot.  I wanted to get this whole thing over with so quickly.  Finally I received my shot and was allowed to leave.  Kari bought me some ice cream and I headed home.
Whenever I feel the most sad and depressed about miscarrying, I have the sweetest thing happen:
This little guy shows up and smiles at me and comforts me.  He always seems to know, even when I am not crying.  He just knows how to cheer me up.  If he is my last, I will be happy to cherish every moment of his young life, along with my other kids.  I love all of my children and I am so grateful to have given birth to such wonderful, beautiful, responsible and happy children.
Since I have moved to this house that we currently live in, I have been blessed to have not only wonderful ward members and neighbors, but I have been blessed with wonderful friends.  I never thought I could find such great people that I could have so much fun with and feel so comfortable with.  They have lifted me up at times when I thought it would be impossible.  They give me hugs against my will.  I know I say a lot about these two, but I just feel so blessed everyday to have them in my life.  Thank you Kari and Janelle!!  I love you guys!!
Even though I have faced many difficult trials in my life, the Lord has always been mindful of me and has blessed me in many ways.  I love my family, my friends, my church and my life.  I am thankful.

3 comments:

Janelle said...

Hey now!! I'm starting to feel a little self conscious about getting mentioned so much, BUT I, too, am very thankful that we've become friends and get to laugh together often! Thanks for being a part of my life. Love you girl!

The Halls said...

So many sad things in 2012. :( Glad you have so much support!! Also, your little guy has the most adorable curls! :)

MeganVstop said...

I can't imagine how heartbreaking it has been to go through 4 miscarriages. I read on Facebook that you said you have gone through 4 in a row and my heart just aches for you. I just finished my first fertility treatment without success and it's just so hard. I hope things are going well for you and Mark, hope we can meet up again sometime in the near future. I loved spending Thanksgiving with the whole Smith clan that one year in college :)