I was anxious to get back to Jazzercise, but I knew I had to take it slow. I was sorely going to work my way back into it. Halloween came and we took the kids trick-or-treating. I had taken a good pain killer, so I was doing alright. It was great to get out of the house. We got the kids to bed and I started feeling crampy. It suddenly got worse. This was all too familiar. I was feeling the kidney stone that had been seen in my ultrasound the week before. I took a pain killer and put the heating pad on it and just dealt with it. Four days later while laying in bed trying to sleep at night I started feeling that lovely feeling again. Sure enough, kidney stone number two from the ultrasound was making its debut. I still had pain killers from my shingles so I took those and tried to deal with it. This one was different. The pain became so intense by morning that I kept throwing up over and over. I couldn't keep any pain killers down or anti nausea medicine to save my life.
Eventually I became so lethargic that I wasn't really responding to Mark. He got scared and called an ambulance, so that was awesome. It turned out that I was severely dehydrated so they kept me for a few hours to fill me with fluids, keep an eye on the baby, and watch me writhe in pain.
That was too much for my body at once to deal with and I have chronic pancreatitis so that flared up really bad. I was throwing up and in a tremendous amount of pain, luckily I had a good supply of pain killers. Sadly, because my pancreas was so angry, my body could not digest much at all and I was put on a liquid diet to help my pancreas heal so that I wouldn't become malnourished.
Fast forward to January. I was back at Jazzercise going full force to get my baby out. I had too much fluid, my baby was a buoy. I was only dilated to a 2 1/2 and 60-70% effaced and my cervix was still very thick. So that was sad. The baby would go diagonal whenever the doctor would check me, so she never felt her head. Too much fluid. My baby had way too much room in there. I knew she was head down most of the time but my belly was huge and she could easily turn.
My friend and I had joked about what would happen if my water broke. It would flood Jazzercise and everyone would drown. In the wee hours of Monday morning, the 20th, Mark and I were still awake. I had packed my bag and prepared for this baby in hopes that she would come soon, since I was 38 weeks and my last two babies were born at that point. I was anxious to be done. I had miscarried four times in a row before this baby, the last being 3 months along, so I had quite a few weeks of pregnancy at this point. It was time to have this baby. As I was laying in bed talking to Mark, there was this nice pop and a gush of fluid.
I told Mark and he quickly grabbed hospital pads. This was definitely the great flood and we probably needed an ark, but all we had were the hospital pads. These were thick pads, but this water just kept a flowin'. I just started laughing, it wouldn't stop. I knew it would be a lot, but I had not anticipated this. I was wondering how the neck I would get myself to a car and into the hospital with this kind of serious flow. Everything was becoming real and I started shaking from the adrenaline that started pumping. Eventually, things allowed enough for me to get to the car for the ride to the hospital. By slowed I mean that Idrenched an over night pad and my pants. After such a long struggle and emotionally difficult wait, this baby was going to come.
Suddenly I felt as though this was too good to be true. I had lost my last four babies, I couldn't possibly be allowed to keep this one. I started to worry. I was too far into this pregnancy for this not to be horribly devastating if Heavenly Father decided to keep this one too. I hadn't had my water break like this at home before. I was worried my baby wasn't alive. My belly was so small, I realized just how tiny my baby was. I couldn't feel her move at all. I pushed her and poked her to get her to move and she wouldn't. I started to get really scared. I was shaking so much. We arrived at the hospital.
I got changed and into the bed. They examined me. I was 3cm and 80% effaced. They couldn't feel the baby's head. They called my doctor. They did an ultrasound. As my water drained out, the baby went from head down to diagonal. Her head was sitting in my hip. I started to cry. I didn't want a c-section. It scared me. I knew I wouldn't have family around to help and Mark couldn't take too much time off from work. I certainly knew I didn't want my abdomen cut open. The nurses told me there was a possibility of the baby being turned since she was only diagonal. They ordered a second ultrasound.
This ultrasound confirmed that the baby was indeed diagonal. They called the doctor to tell her. The nurses told me I would be having a c-section. I didn't think it would be right away. I was scared but I felt I would have a chance to process this. They brought papers for me to sign. I didn't sign them. It started becoming real. I started crying. My doctor came in and explained things to me. They would do a transverse incision, but transverse babies don't always come out easily that way. She explained that one they got in there they might end up having to do a vertical incision as well. This would mean no more vaginal deliveries for me. I just listened but was completely freaking out on the inside. My doctor left and I started panicking. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I started squirming and couldn't relax. I was ready to make a run for it. My heart was racing. I couldn't breathe! This wasn't happening. They couldn't make me have a c-section. My nurse cried with me. She told me the OR was ready for me. I needed to sign the papers. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was suffocating. This was happening too fast. The papers needed to be signed but I couldn't do it. Mark signed them for me.
I was wheeled to the OR. In order to keep myself from losing it and making a run for it I had to stop talking completely. The doctors and nurses would talk and make jokes and I could only nod. The anesthesiologist did the spinal. They knew I was having anxiety issues. They told me they couldn't give me anything for it until right before the baby came out because it wasn't good for the baby. I figured I was this far into it, there was no point. The spinal made me feel light-headed. My chest felt really heavy. I kept forgetting to breathe. The anesthesiologist made conversation with me. He explained everything as it was happening. The nurses told me I was beautiful and that my hair looked like Merida's from Brave. They open me up, "Well look at that! She's head down now!" They didn't have to do another incision. They got the baby out. She screamed. She was alive and screaming louder than any of my other babies. I couldn't believe it. They showed her to me then took her back to check her out. Mark asked if I wanted him to stay with me. I told him to be with our baby. We finally had a baby I wanted him to be with her as much as possible.
She was screaming and screaming. Nurses came in and renamed on the loud screaming they could hear from her throughout the floor. I was a little concerned she would be an inconsolable baby, haha. I was taken back to labor and delivery. It all seemed like a dream. I couldn't believe I was cut open. I couldn't believe that I actually had my baby. Finally, I had a baby to hold and care for.
Mark and the nurses came in with my baby, who was screaming. She was beautiful and here. I could see her, I could touch her. I could hear her breathing and smell her new baby smell. Nothing else mattered. She was perfect.
I was put on blood thinners because of my clotting disorder. I had to stay in the hospital for four days. I only had three visitors, so it was pretty lonely most of the time. C-sections are horrible, painful and evil and no one tells you this. I'm here to tell you they are the worst. It's an annoying, painful, and long recovery. I was happy to spend it with my baby, but I certainly started to get stir crazy. I am happily back to normal life. I am going to Jazzercise 6-7 times a week and I love and air sweet Briony. She weighed 6 lbs. 7 oz. and was 19 inches long.
2 comments:
She's beautiful! You did amazing! I wish I lived closer, I'd have come to visit you.
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